Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
