Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
