Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
