literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
