I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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