1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
