a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
