Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
