Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize