I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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