Me too!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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