There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
