mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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