he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
