Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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