You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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