just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
