i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
