Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
