how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
