What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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