It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
