i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
