Plan B is the new Plan A
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
