I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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