I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
