im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were trust falling into bushes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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