I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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