My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
