if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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