Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize