he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize