TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have so many feelings about this burrito
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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