But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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