apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize