all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize