I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
