how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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