he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
