Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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