Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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