Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
