it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
