they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
