So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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