Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
