you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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