yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
