So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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