Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
