OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
