i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
