eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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