i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
