Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
