I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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