He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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