Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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