He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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