nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
