Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
