so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
