Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
