I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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