The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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