my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize