WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
