grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
