we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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