ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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