kristin has been a bad kristin
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
