I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
